I should have a doctor soon so my life will be on track. I have a literal mental shut down era if that falls through and I run out of Adderall. The place I live at waiting fir section8 housing demands to feed you your own medication which I find degrading as a man. Some of the people shit themselves. Few seem to have graduated high school or wish to return to the work force. I think we'd be better off moving in with our mother and taking it from there/promoting our own housing section8 case. I just think the transitional housing people don't care abouy me. Some of the people where I live drool on themselves and some old woman died the other day. If I could turn back time I would have done the other blogs differently. If I was brave enough I would have found a doctor, a new one, and told him my additional symptoms to AdHd a long time ago. But it's kinda hard when your psychiatrist is a mean Philippian woman who doesn't wanna hear it (and barely gets what your talking about/always tells you she doesn't have time to phone in your Health Insurance so you can get full script and theatens to leave you if you make her talk to your housing people ever again) it's just a check up-for that ol' Adderall script at that point. No need to add additional traits that came on one day. No if you hear voices they don't automatically lock you up unless you're a threat to yourself. So know that if you're trying to appear normal for your girlfriend. Time moves like the dust bowl on 14Th street where friend and Silver Tiles character Brock Daves worked. Over time from thevisualaxis blog or since I forget these aren't these people. At one point I think I'm held hostage on Hbo like in the reality t.v. episode of Extras. For a large sum of cash to be paid for my extreme pain I feel all the time. There's something that jabs at my cock area when I try to stay still and YOU have to be real brave to say stuff like this, or have already exposed the result of your schizophrenia on your teeth and your artwork at your Bronx apartment point (which I loss after my Hbo Girls Season 3 lookalike to anna gripentrog is Lena Dunham photoshoot) lots of it's not t.v. it's Hbo on the walls. The landscape of my reality as I awake from 23 is cold and empty. Dick lindwall from my art school films has died his son I keep away until I am a success and mark agerholm has left for p.a. my childhood home in fairfield is gone and it felt like it was just right there. Since the schizophrenia struck my brain is on super pause and only moves a little bit on Adderall. It is clear I need something stronger but would have never brought this up to my last psych who didnt even wanna call Health First so they give me my full 30mg twice a day. Being on that for a decade my body may be used to it. The people I knew have disappeared and I pray to ghosts on newspapers which I vow to not do when I fix my teeth. I thought my condition of internal pain was apart of a t.v. show and have blogged it and my conclusion to schizophrenia / AdHd (which symptoms worsened or I'm adjusted to the medication over 10 years). It developed from internal pain to my body automatically biting itself. Everything gets really hyper and I bite myself. I can't even get into describing it. There has to be medication for it but I need a doctor who will treat the full weight who I can trust. So far I've got a doctor who quits and a shitty nurse who doesn't understand my body has to be awake to even bite my hand or just wants to send it on forward to the hospital and seems to look at me as a thing if you'd forward me to a hospital,not that I'm against this if it's the only way I can stop this condition (but it's not and I have dental appointments and shit to do). The Meanie Heart thing comes on Me-during the handal seizures where I have to bend down and bite my hand. One doctor told me this could be from anything-but was't there to care just for ssi which I may need to collect since I literally can't work. Me-I have to get all of this out for mental health's sake. For the fact of overlooking the art. I tried to make artwork without adderall but could't wake up and end up lost with this new lost mentality and perspective without the intellect to figure if I really was in a show in 08 after graduation. And the ghosts tell me it's a School of Visual Arts fine arts round on Hbo. And I had to write in little notebooks like I did as a kid before Apple computers. And it's in the name of the school founder Silias Rhodes who had died the year I graduated. This is after graduation where I think the mayor is about to pay me for being on Hbo. Documented. The boy who depended on age 23. The golden birthday. I'm sure I didn't kill myself in my Brooklyn apartment from the mindsplitting headaches because caitlin rodriguez is watching and it's the finale and goal of season 1 to graduate and literally survive the Hell year starting in hells kitchen and ending in East Williamsburg , Brooklyn (or Bushwick) and I graduate. I survive the headaches. This was a full show then now I'm used to it like and appearing normal on the outside-although it helps that a doctor can helo me if I find one and my brain doesn't run out. Me-It's tragic everytime I get distracted from something barking or whatever is going on in this place thing transitional housing And- MI lose pivitol stuff. The old artwork only makes sense if you know I came to the conclusion of living in The word republican. Me-I'm in this place losing everything we need because some shelter guy is telling a story about my nigga. There's always the reality that I'm on Homeland Security t.v. but I mean the type that stops supervillians who anthrax your iPhone from being born. Everyone has an iPhone and we were once on thevisualaxis blog in the first iPhone linr to be the first to get it. Gunnar was alive and we thought Hbo was documenting our Fairfield, c.t. and then I see Pete and that's the last time I listen to what the voices say. 08 though but I think it's a producer trying to cheez my Hbo show with a father/son reunion Season:1. Poor pete. But poor femmist me this fucked-my head. My life was based around never seeing this man again on the moral that women should't be beaten in front of children 7 years had gone by since I saw this person. I even saw Tim Willis, who was only a character from what was to be early novels. My mind has a grind pain/feeling insde the creativiy to screenwrite is paused and I can't stay still at a computer without it hurting. Adderall only helps me a little focus beyond the pain. There's no way to focus on character development and the fundamentals of screenwriting. There is no way to make up all the artwork I planned on making at 23. Just one day in school on my Fairfield life map-I got sick internally and was too concerned with the exterior and preserving what was my art school relationships over if I could make the art, but I thought it was Hbo reality t.v. by Harvey Weinstein (like this was where The School of Visuak Arts fit with the Weinstein Company).Save point.