meanieheartseizure

there was no point in writing this one the voices want me to let people know i hear voices or date girls who hear voices they didn't really say much more than that it's a high pitch sound that goes away if i stay up my creativity gets blocked and the voice now is lonely or something does't want me to meet people i've pondered how me- it's goal is to fuck with me so i'll keep going on Oct30 so today i'll type up another thing no memory so time to write the seizure the baby fucking thing is talking to me again i am still SEED dealing with stupid bullshit as it tries to talk and relationship with me future plans i'll spit out i'll never write and it will prove i can't ignore it it'll make me crazy for real i don't like to talk to this thing i ignore it but there's nothing to write about when i'm in the meanie heart the hands try to irritate me it tells me i sound like a snake grandpa Joe gets mentioned and other stupid shit i am little seed let it talk it's not there let it mention some bullshit like cousin or tell me again i can't make a futute in porn oh ni i'm like totally past talking to it i'm at the point of ignoring it completely i miss pussy shit like this leads me to eithet make it so i can fuck all the time or not at all sometimes i think it's trying to stop me from writing or is saying something but in the end it doesn't really speak, next it'll tell me a story about adderall writing without can be done or anythinh to disprove what i've alreadt said as though i'm proving or arguing i don't like t talking to me i'm learning when it goes away and in general to never have internal emotions it seems something like tgis or life in genersl could pry on that so i learn to be a good seed to learn from this bullshit the power of hate which will always lead me back to my pill this is essentially what caitlin rodriguez is god means like a fuck off to the thing that talks or any symptom of this shit iy even tries to prove it's in the same thought as me but it's 2015 and the shit it says makes no sense like john blaney is ny friend or date the deprieved it'll be a lonh time before i ever finally get a job in porn buy i promise after the amount of times i have said it in the Meanie Heart i hate anything talked to me by this shit during this period of time it really gets irritating i think of myself as the living seed mastronardi at 31 awaiting an age that counts writing words or stone and snake i need to start a band or make another Big C and The Turntables thevisualaxis website went down and i'm down to youtube.com/forecastmazyfilms it wants to tell me i'll be scared when the worker woman at this place tricks me into a hospital again i don't know why it brings up shit like this it's worthless sometimes during the Meanie Heart to speak barely is my pill in me and i can't function in times without the amnesia watches over my eye and the tickle feeling from my crotch goes away the voice implies i said something bad in talking porn future nothing it says really matters it'll tell me things like i'm jail and institution that these things represent me as though time counts in these places in my world my time seperates if in event, i don't count those period of times or the people i only count my journey back to the film industry the voice works in a repeat pattern with the seizure sometimes it goes away but i'm pretty sure i need the pill that gets rid of them and so far seriquil is only for sleep. Deep down i don't have anything to say i just write to spite the voices, one time i had a whole storyline with Lena Dunham on Season:4 all sorts of shit this shit makes up that i go for that is probably real in the spirit world but i didn't ask to become little nemo through a talisman i purchased for a screenplay little nemo and then used the magic. Shouldn't magic only do good if i wear a cross or believe in angels? Nothing to say agaim Christie Cummings is haunting me. I cursed Fairfield, Connecticut in chaos magick in this thing. Wished final destination on my muses. Used up all the magic. I just don't believe shit this thing says anymore. It even seems desperate-telling me the advantages of falling down to caitlinrodriguezhusband. There's nothing to say and it wants to stop me. I'm 31 and it's paused my final cut pro studies and the entirety of my film career. Made me banish myself from my friends. Let me adopted father and close friend die. Has astranged from headaches to melted feeling hands that i feel in my cum. I have outcasted myself from anyone i would have loved. Or taken out by situation. My biological mother mixed with my adopted family and i'm still running from words that describe this. If i didn't admit it, blog it, a decade would have went by since i started hiding. I'll do out patient treatment and just have no time for in-patient. I've lost teeth and allowed a child symptom to go by. Somebody in the illumanati could be to blame-if they really wanted to break down somebody really intellectual into chaos magick prime. I've given up on marriage after anna and still don't want children so i'm not aging i'm getting old. I need all of this updated(my artwork-my little nemo on hbo logging of my schizophrenia) at one point i thought i was hypnotized. It's been years since forecastmazy.blogspot.com but echoing still is my trust. I never placed my experian, true credit and equifax in somebodies hands. I was going to make my film portfolio in Mfa. But this shit took me. Me-the hands slither like cum to distract me as though it's one person, all of this could have happened-man i don't know this shit is so stupid i could have been rid of this years ago. Maybe i fell in love with it but really i believed reality t.v. reached the point of forecastmazy.blogspoy.com it's taken my student films from me and left me on autopilot as a person back to my film equipment it has a soul-little nemo on hbo- it begs for the same story again and again, whatever it is-never wants me to finish telling the prequel to 31 i don't know if it's sentient sometimes. It's been 7 years and that's the statue of limitations on film school schizophrenic trauma at the School of Visual Arts. But i don't think this thing really gets it. Little nemo on Hbo kind of has a one cut Ed Wood steinbach reality with a Final Cut Pro producer. It wants me to stop now, tell the same story again, proove in 3 years 2007 matters. The will of the human show, my shawshank redemption of the school of visual arts film equipment hell's kitchen package cannot beat the nobody cares of the 30s. Only like at 31 if you knew the trauma i'm in could you get it. Me-okay. Time for the seizure and no feeling writing back to the seed and stupid shit it gets mad and wants to tell me old age matters i'll tell it again that i'm going to work in porn , me-woahhh the thing talks again like more about the Brc workers and people that go away but seed no care about people or any shit that it says or whatevet year i work in porn or if i fucking shake my way through my first fuck the thing will tell me that meanie heart is not me or another story but so much time has gone by in Little Nemo on Hbo that Christie Cummings has a child. But, ah i persist ilumanati or schizophrenia it's the same thing i had to say i was republican for a couoke years and join new york city young republicans; i don't acknowledge what this thing says i have to tell it things like i'm playing forever it brings up old shit that it said but i can't imagine reacting like i ever did before nothing really is as it was and i have no reactioms left as i did before i don't care if i tell you everything that it's done the whole point is that i tell you all of the shit that it does in the name of hate so i use it i swear there is a force that wants to prolong the same thing seriously it wants to tell this shit later. Sometimes it even tells me shit like go crazy i csn't imagine giving a fuck about anything it says i could only really care about what this thing says i'm going to crazy from the fucking feeling inside talking to a thing that tells me to not work in porn or argues about fucking as though it has intellect it's about as fucking stupid as telling me my next girlfriend will care that i want to fuck 23000 woman or that when i'm not in meanie heart i have to say that like when meanie heart burns my heroes like this matters. At this point the chaos magick symbolizea the rhcp chaos magick symbol on the bench at 47 metropolitian williamsburg , brooklyn i smell carpet cleaner the thing wants to prolong the origins of why the little nemo on hbo artwork is so shitty. I beg someone to give me your old camera. E-mail christophermastronardi@gmail.com if you want to do this. Or really if you want me. It takes a thought again, tries to play argue i swear there's a spirit that wants to prolong the story of how schizophrenia keeps me back physically from directing and so far AdHd medication is all doctors can think of (fuck what works) i don't need this sleeping pill i panic attack without adderall and am mugged by sleep and can't work but for some reason this is not thr first thing to fix but i have as crazy as somebody who believes in jesus christ or thinks angels are real or the christian church for that matter my brain gets paused again i need desoxyn not sleep meds i can barely hold being awake at this point my neck hurts i really fucking tried to explain this shit despite any condition i hope i did this pleasw donate equipment so i can make youtube.com/forecastmazyfilms again call/txt 203-909-8766