That house still echoes in my soul on lakeside dr. Id known the agerholms since first grade. It wasnt a home dieing but my home. Things are dark these days i dont even really describe them. If arun was alive none o f this would have happened. One day maybe this blog make me money maybe me need pay p al and putting cash in my acc is too complex for people who want to d onate. I should have been thetr when d icm died. I can be perdonal like bleed online. Its my diary if you like it please donate so i cn buy a macbook pro and get back to editing. At td bank you can deposit me money please. Or however you wire money. I want to work in tv. Im hiding from life and everyone ages and im dead because of health firdy. I can accept the ugly must hide until fixed. It just takes forever. I feel like i died years ago when i lived like gunnar when he got off the boat he ra i sed me you know. I wis h i wrote more on his epitath. 2009. Im still mourning alone wailing like lochness for my teeth. Nyu has a dental clinic i need implants asap. Every day until then doesnt count. Fu x k chaos magi c k and this situation. Damnit. Fuck. Fuck my life my 40s will end up replacing my 20s. Gunnar i remember you fairfield father. Dear arun. I miss your light on earth. Its a dark world for me without you now but i still pray to you in my heart.